Friday, March 25, 2011
It was the second to last week of meetings and I didn't finish the reading. I skimmed it well enough to have the main ideas ready for discussion. The group time went well with one or two of the ladies doing most of the talking. (This does sometimes annoy me but not when what they're saying is worth hearing. :) )
The chapters we were discussing were about life's circumstances and being controlled my your emotions. At first I thought I would be more impacted by the chapter on circumstances because of what all we've been through this past year, but I was wrong...
When I got home that evening I felt very uneasy...no peace. I started to pray and read my Bible. I realized that perhaps I was controlled by emotions much more than I wanted to admit to myself. I've always struggled with yelling at my children, and lately the mood of the whole house seemed to be swinging along with my moods. I prayed that the Lord would change me, but at first I felt like I needed something tangible to help me make the change. I'm always using calendars, lists, apps on my phone, self-help books, etc to make other positive changes in my life but I couldn't think of anything that would do the job. Then that still, small voice reminded me that God could do it without any outside help, so I prayed that he would. I truly believed that he could. Then there was peace.
The next morning I woke up and went to the kitchen to start my morning routine of Ace's medicine, chocolate milk all around, breakfast of some sort, coffee and vitamins. Every morning I do the same thing but this morning was different. I took notice of the under-counter CD player my mom had passed on to me, which I'd been using since I got it, but now I realized how God was using it to answer a prayer that I didn't even pray. I turned to the Christian radio station and was immediately lifted. I realized that having this music in the background would be a great reminder for me to keep my emotional responses in check. I just said, "Thank you Lord", and we went on to have a great day and then a great week.
Not that I wasn't tested...
Some women chose to act like a didn't exist as I squeezed by them on my morning jog. This annoyed me, but I knew I had to let it go. People are not here to serve me and I can't become angry at petty things like that. I dealt with it by talking to IV and telling him everything I'd been learning. There was also a really bad Monday for King and me. I had to pray out loud for God's help at one point. King and Duke just stared at me for a second. We survived.
After all this I was really encouraged from the Word. I've been reading through Genesis and just the fact that God could use Moses, as imperfect as he was, for such an amazing event helped me realize that I don't have to be perfect for God to use me. (Genesis 3) Then I read in Nehemiah, and all the persecution he received while trying to rebuild the wall helped me know that I could do the right thing in the face of my small adversities. (Nehemiah 6)
I'll end with a quote from Lies Women Believe that really sums it all up for me:
"When I have no resources of my own left, His resources have not begun to depleted."
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today King, my six-year-old, was talking to me...as usual. I was attempting to read my newest Runner's World magazine and take a little mental break. It wasn't working. Finally, after King once again required a response to another too-in-depth analysis of a cartoon character's action, I replied sharply, "Okay, that's great." Too bad King's too smart for that.
He looked at me, obviously disappointed, and said, "Why are you never happy?"
Shot through the heart.
The sad thing is I knew exactly what he was talking about. I tend to, unintentionally, run my "mother business" in a very focused way. I'm not overly strict or structured about anything but it's my state of mind that's the controlling factor. I know there's a certain order and a certain way that things must be done so as not to cause a breakdown of any one person or the house itself. I think by constantly having this "control switch" on...though it's mostly in my head...I become somewhat stern, like Miss Polly in Pollyanna.
Anyway, it was a wake-up call. I just told King that I was sorry and I don't know why I'm like that...because at first I didn't know. I'll pray for more joy. It will be easier when IV's here full-time and I'll actually get to have more adult conversation. Not that cartoon conversations are boring or anything. :)
Friday, March 4, 2011
Now that the stomach bug has finished its work in our household we've got more time to enjoy the new life that's springing up in our home. We have the first sprouts of our soon to be garden!
We've got three trays full of little seedlings and enough seeds to fill three more!
There's cucumbers and collards, which are growing the fastest, some corn, tomatoes, carrots, squash, watermelon, and a few different flowers. We're learning as we grow and it's actually very exciting to see what happens!
It was fun today to show the kids how the plants were reaching toward the sun in the window. Of course they asked, "Why?", and the only answer I had was, "Because that's how God made them." They were satisfied. (For now!)