#2 It's really not a big deal, so why do I have big fear?
Fear Creeps In
I'm not a fearful person my nature...
I've always ridden the biggest roller coasters and scariest rides...Have you ever seen those sky-high water slides that go STRAIGHT down from the heavens? Yeah, I rode those without a thought when I was but a wee child.
I HAVE, however, always been a little afraid of what people think of me. I overcame a huge chunk of this when, as a 7th grader, I truly began to identify with Christ, but my worry over how I'll appear to others always lingers in the shadows of my mind.
When I had the idea for this flower business, fear never crossed my mind. I've had ideas for businesses before but none have ever sparked in me like this one did. After the initial, "Aha!" moment the brainstorm raged on, and a lot of things seemed to be coming into place in perfect time. This gave me a peace in my spirit that this business, which includes Lottie and I learning and working together, was something the Lord had put in me.
It all seemed good.
Then, out of the shadows, fear crept in. With it came all the bad thoughts:
"I can't do this."
"I don't know anything about flowers."
"People will think I'm stupid."
"People will think my arrangements are cheesy and cheap."
"I won't be able to get anyone to buy anything."
"It's going to be another failure."
I was so mad! I hated these thoughts!
Thankfully, once again, the Lord sees me. He knows me. He cares. He reaches out to me...even if I don't always reach out first.
He put a Bible reading plan in front of me that dealt exactly with my problem:
"Chasing Failure" on YouVersion.
There are many good words and verses of encouragement in this devotional:
The Lord also played my "I'm screwing this all up" song over and over for me on Sunday...
(I usually consider this my "homeschool song" but it definitely applies to more of life. :) )
I really am excited about the business...and Lottie is too. Actually, all the kids are.
I may never sell one single bouquet, but I've decided that it doesn't matter...I'm going to find joy in the process, and leave the rest to the Lord.
Shouldn't that be what we do with all of life anyway???